As I sit here writing I can hear thunder outside. I am writing this post to try to keep myself calm. It’s only a thunderstorm one may say. However I am terrified of them. Terrified isn’t even the proper word. Even the hint of a thunderstorm sends me into panic mode. Checking the weather network on both tv and online non stop. Wondering “what if”. My biggest fear is that it will turn into a tornado and then what. I don’t have a basement, every room of my house has at least one window. My mind just races over and over until the storm passes.
Two summers ago Tobei was away for 6 months. We had just moved into a new neighborhood a few months before he left. I quickly became good friends with the neighbor. She would come check on me when a storm was coming. If it got bad she would come get Little Man and I to go stay at her house until it passed. It became a routine. Also at least then we had a basement. We moved last year and our new place does not have one. So much for that comfort. Last summer was unbearable. It was a summer of every day the weather saying we could possibly have a thunderstorm. It could be sunny as sunny can be and I would still be glued to the weather site to see what “might” come our way. Tobei got to see how bad it had become. I won’t shower, can barely eat, let’s just say it’s awful. Then we actually had a tornado warning. That was the worse. I snapped, tears and all. Shaking while rocking on my couch with my shoes and flashlight. It was pathetic. But I could not control it.
The storm has passed us. Hopefully that is it for the night. Writing this post got me through this storm. I am not doing another summer like this. I have a doctor appointment later this month and I am going to be talking to them about it. This is not normal or healthy. I can’t live another summer like last year.